SHE is a Zero

Indian woman do not marry a man, in fact they marry a CLAN. Marriage introduces many big surprises to an Indian Bride. She has a lot of things moving on like a reel in her mind. Her mind buzzes with excitement, anxiety, apprehensions, sadness, happy at the same time, variety of emotions and what not playing like a never ending movie in her mind.

The very next day of the wedding could be so confusing with questions like:At what time do I really need to wake up? I think I was not ready, it all happened so quickly? I hope they like me!! I will give my best Oh My God, Can’t believe I am married, and so on….

And Now the Laws of in-Laws:

Law of Humanity always WINS: If the bride is fortunate enough, she will feel at home in the new family. She is super lucky if her partner’s family shares their thoughts with her and let her share hers with them.

We must treasure the kind of people who treats the new member as if their own son or daughter. These people will always cheer her successes and be there to comfort her in the time of need. Moreover, they won’t expect the bride to be perfect, and still they love her. They just understand the fundamental fact that we all are different from each other and have our own way of looking at things which may at times differ.

However, often the view is always better from the top; but the inside story is at times different. Statements like:

She is dark! She is too short, She is a bit fat, She is lucky to have such a husband, She is blessed to have such family in this life, She vs She(neighbor’s bride) a comparative study, She knows nothing, She is just a ZERO, good for nothing and so on.

Moreover, it is even more painful if she faces a “Rejection from the First Day” itself. Rejection comes with a hidden statement and feeling that she is nothing in her spouse family. It is one of the worst feelings of experiencing a theory of non-existence in the new environment. She is treated and considered as to be BIG ZERO

She has to be ready for any comment and taunts for that matter to respond with a smile, as far as she is trained for by her parents. She always has a challenge to always wear an IN-LAWS-COMPATIBLE-MASK. And in due course of time, she completely compromises with her natural persona.

The Dhritarashtra and the Gandhari Syndrome:

In the sacred epic of Mahabharata, Dhritarashtra was born blind and his wife Gandhari took a conscious decision to blindfold herself in sympathy with her husband’s blindness. And we all know what consequences the family CLAN had to face.

Out of the two syndromes, it is the Gandhari syndrome that is more deplorable in modern age Indian families.

In modern age Mahabharatha, few people suffer from #MySon-is-the-Only Hero@Syndrome. Each syndrome has its consequences, so here too the consequence is manifested in various different ways of treating the newlywed but rejected bride as ZERO.

Mandate to Understand: Well, fine, she is a zero. Zero is supposed to be nothing, but works wonders if on the right side. But again without a zero you cannot even count anything.

Small things play big roles in building relationship bonding. No one wants to be rejected when it comes to love. It’s painful, humiliating and can hurt your self-esteem.

I, at times wonder, is India really that tough country for daughters-in-law?

Issues between older and younger women are so common in joint family households that “saas-bahu” soap operas about wives and mothers-in-law are among the most popular programs on Indian television. And the Laws of the in-Laws are somewhat driven by these “saas-bahu” soap operas. An absolute imaginary expectations of nonsense; way far from the reality.

Whenever a relationship and responsibility is subtly forced on someone – be it the wife, husband or the parents – there will be conflicts that can turn disastrous, maybe even fatal, if you are not alert.

People do not understand the repercussions of the fact that the lack of adjustment time given could lead to an adjustment disorder. This disorder manifests in the form of high levels of sadness, fear, depression and anxiety, if the adjustment phase fails. In most cases, this disorder may require medications.

Irrespective of your social or economic status, it takes a lot of inner strength to stand against the regressive thought process of society and not many people or the bride herself want to tread this path.

Moreover, daughters-in-law also face differential treatment when a son or daughter is involved. They may be given more preference along with the son-in-law, in case the daughter is married. However, genetics somehow take a back seat when it comes to the son-in-law. Here, “blood is thicker than water’ when it comes to the daughter-in-law.

Men take time to mature and understand the complexities and requirements of their marriage. They don’t develop the maturity to understand the emotional and social responsibility they have towards their wife.

Possible Changes, A Mandate in the Laws of In-Laws:

Being Inclusive towards all relationship is the only LAW to understand any one in totality. Realizing the fact that newlywed bride wasn’t raised the same way and maybe doesn’t have the similar environment. Try to encourage, accept, and love her unconditionally. Please remember that every single change that you see in your son is not her doing. Compliment and connect more, Criticize less.

Adjustment phase should be long enough to both- the new bride and the in-laws. This phase is not only for the daughter-in-law to learn more about the new family but also for the new family to learn more about their daughter-in-law.

Eventually, the husband must also take the responsibility of understanding and responding appropriately to situations.

Marriage is all about acceptability, adaptability, love, respect, care, taking responsibility of each other. That’s the only way to nurture any new relationship towards enormous possibilities. Please remember, without a zero, the number system does not exist at all. A Zero is the base of all the numbers. Yes, she is a ZERO, yet so self-empowered to establish a new LAW –The Law of Humanity.